“I can not understand why my husband wants me to be depressed. Before, we never contradicted one another when I criticized him about his clothes. Now, he gets angry when I say something about what he is wearing. Before, he used to help me with everything, but now when I got back to work and when I really need his help, he refuses to do anything.”
The husband of this woman suffers from the so called “damaged ego”. He understands that his wife should go back to work, but deep inside he can not agree with that.
His sensitive ego suffers, because he realizes that he can no longer fend for his family without the help of his wife. He feels incapable of doing that, he defenses himself and becomes critical towards every real or imaginary threat.
He can not realize the problem with his ego and his wife makes things worse by complaining all the time. No man is protected from “damaged ego”. Nowadays, the competitive society makes men face a lot of threats that affect their manhood.
Listen to your man, do not criticize him. The woman, who manages to heal the damaged ego of her husband, could become the most important person in his life. She will get in return his love and appreciation and these two things will turn your relationship into something really beautiful.
Men need comfort and quietness
A group of men were asked about what they want to have at home. They all didn’t dream of a luxury car, a swimming pool or expensive furniture. They just wanted calmness. The tension at work is huge. The stress from the efforts that men make to keep their job, to be appreciated from their boss and to earn enough money, is so big that they need a lot of support and comfort at home. This is the reason why calmness is the first thing in the list of their needs.
And who could find calmness in all the mess and disorder? He has the right to expect his wife to deal with all the house work and to take care of the kids. This need is so deep that each man dreams of a beautiful, well dressed woman that welcomes them in their home with love and a prepared delicious dinner. Women need financial stability and men need comfort and calmness.
Men need a partner for their entertainment
In the book “His needs and her needs”, U.F. Harley places the relaxing communication in the second place among the needs of men, right after the sexual needs. I totally agree with his claim, because the communication and the sharing create intimacy between the partners. Men love actions. It doesn’t matter if they are going to throw rocks, shoot trees, kick boxes or run around something. Since they were little, they gather together and make things without a lot of conversations. The grown man continues with the actions even in the company of his wife. He wants to be entertained by doing things together with her, not by speaking with her. Sharing a certain action with her satisfies his needs and he feels happy. In this way, men feel closer to their wives and this creates intimacy between them and their partners. Women are experts in accompanying their friends and partners.
But when the marriage comes, they no longer feel that they need to be with them on a vacation or somewhere else, because now there are a lot of more important things to do – like cleaning the house, cooking and taking care of the children. But women, who miss their chances to be with their husbands because of certain things, could realize that despite of their efforts, they will never manage to create the feeling of intimacy between them and their partners.
Men need to shake off the stress
Researches show the stress is a lot more deadly for men than for women.
● Two times more men die from heart diseases.
● Pneumonia and influenza cause the deaths of men three times more than of women.
● Car accidents and drugs kill three times more men then women.
● The ratio of suicidal by men and women is 3:1.
● 30% more men die from cancer in comparison with women (cancer could be caused by stress)
● Men live 8 years less than women.
● Men suffer from more health diseases that are caused by stress like heart attack, high blood pressure and arteriosclerosis.
Stress is something that annoys, threatens, worries, upsets and challenges the personality. These things, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant they are, encourage the human’s body to start running, fighting and searching for a way out. The crisis, caused by stress, is born in the heart, which leads to heart diseases.
The stress by men is a result of:
- their physics
- their carrier
- their family
- their incapability to share their feelings and express their emotions
When he gets home after a tough day at work, he wants to forget about stress and have a little break by reading the newspaper or a book. He needs to think about his problems and to figure out how to deal with them.
In case he can not find a solution, he will try to forget about them by watching TV, going to the gym or to watch a soccer game. By getting away from stress, he becomes more calm and happy. When a man is stressed out, he forgets about everything else and focuses only on his problems. He often becomes distanced and starts forgetting things. He becomes irresponsible.
The bigger the problem is, the more distanced he is likely to become. In such moments, he is not capable of paying attention to his wife or kids. The problems and the stress are the only things on his mind. His wife is so sensitive and she starts feeling ignored. She takes it really personal and starts arguing with him.
It is possible that he does not realize the way he is acting. A woman could live a lot easier if she knows that his behavior is something temporary and that it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her. The caring wife will give her husband time to think it through and deal with the problems. She will stop talking right at the moment when she realizes that he is “somewhere else”.
Men need understanding
Francisco from Assize prays: “God, please let me understand people more than people understand me”. This purpose in marriage could be completely transformed into misunderstandings. When one of the partners is too busy with the thoughness of being understood, he becomes selfish and unsatisfied.
Paul Thornier, a famous Christian psychologist, realized the need of understanding between the married couples. He claimed that both partners have to learn how to understand what makes them complain, what they hate and what they like, what he fears and what he is concerned about, what he dreams of and what he believes…why he/she feels in a certain way. Such an aim could make one marriage perfect. Marriage doesn’t depend on how much two people love each other. It depends on how good they have learned to understand how their partner feels.